Let’s talk about sexual distortions.
In our culture, there’s a weird dichotomy…
Sex is used in an indirect way everywhere: tv shows, movies, media, advertising, social media…etc. It’s all insinuation and teasing, but without any fulfillment. It stimulates massive amounts of sexual energy yet leaving no outlet for it.
In this reality, when you create something, you automatically create its opposite. With up, you automatically have down. With good, by default, you have evil. That’s duality.
So by creating a culture of indirect sexual teasing, without an outlet, it automatically creates the shadowy underbelly of sexual outlets. This is porn, pickup artist culture, prostitution, strip clubs…etc.
Because the sexual teasing is done openly and publicly, yet actual sex is taboo, the direct sexuality operates in a shadowy underground and is typically not even spoken of publicly. Just as indirect sexuality is everywhere publicly, things like porn are everywhere privately.
This creates a massive dichotomy and massive distortions of sexuality.
Sexuality & Programming
As kids, our core programming around sexuality and attraction usually comes from media, tv and movies (especially if you were born in the 1980’s or later). We grow up being sexually aroused in an indirect way by all of these mediums.
There is no real education or mentorship around sex, sexuality and sexual energy. So in these states of sexual programming and arousal without the fulfillment, most find their way to the underbelly in the form of porn and the like. This creates such a weird situation where people are inundated (possessed) by sexual energy and desire, yet they don’t really innerstand it.
Did anyone really educate you on sex, sexuality or sexual energy? For most people, including myself, they stumbled their way through real life sexual experiences, trying out the programs they picked up from pop culture, porn or hearsay.
No wonder why sex is such an energy suck for most people and most are carrying sexual distortions. Very few people have mastered their own sexual energy and sensuality. Even fewer have developed themselves to a point where they can tap into true harmonious, sacred sexual experiences with a partner.
I’ve gone through all of this myself, and I’m still learning through trial and error. For most of my life, sexuality was actually draining my energy. Sexual energy is creative energy, so if it’s not creating/building energy, it’s distorted.
Think about all of the energy people waste trying to get validation through sex appeal, chasing people who aren’t right for them, boosting their ego through sex or wasting hours seeking some kind of sexual outlet. Those are massive energy sucks! I know because I’ve fallen into all of those traps.
With the weird dichotomies and distorted programs around sex, no wonder why sex becomes a constant desire that’s never really fulfilled (aka lust). Most people don’t even innerstand the basics of their own sexual energy, let alone how to interact sexually with another person in a synergistic (non-parasitic) way.
On the other hand, faced with omnipresent teasing and the shadowy underbelly of sexual culture, some people reject sexuality altogether and repress their sexual energy. As we all know, what is repressed always bubbles up in some way, whether it’s dis-ease, addictions to food or alcohol, closet porn addiction, or even really perverse sexual desires.
There’s a reason why many spiritual traditions teach abstinence from sex. It’s not that sex is inherently bad, it’s the attachments around sex that makes it destructive. And since most people carry around so many sexual distortions, the simplest way to correct it is abstinence.
Now I’m not telling you to be celibate. Wide sweeping judgments of “good” and “bad” are childish and short-sighted. The whole religious righteousness of demonizing sex perpetuates further duality, which results in even darker, more distorted underground outlets for sexual energy. There’s no need to go that route either. I’m just saying to bring some awareness to all of this. From there, your path will unfold naturally.
How To Harmonize Our Sexual Energy
How can we transcend (trance-end) these sexual dichotomies and distortions?
Like with everything, it starts with awareness. We need to develop more self-awareness and teach children self-awareness. When you’re mindful of your thoughts, emotions and bodily feelings, you learn to trust your intuition instead of blindly swallowing programs. This makes you resilient to a lot of sexual programming (and programming in general).
As a simple example, if I learned how to listen to my body and be more mindful as a young adult, I wouldn’t have needed to seek or mimic the external programming around sex and stumble around through trial and error.
Hopefully you’ve found this out already, but the best, most uplifting sex is intuitive, spontaneous and fully honoring your partner – not mechanically repeating techniques you picked up somewhere else. When you’re mindful, everything in your life becomes intuitive, spontaneous and honorable, so that’s a big hint right there.
There also needs to be mature, balanced, holistic sexual education. This includes awareness of sexual energy, all forms of intimacy, tantra, how to circulate sexual energy through the body (instead of it all being mental programs and energy build-up in the genitals)…etc.
Like most people, I was never educated about sexuality in a balanced, mature way, so I had to learn through a lot of trial and error. Most people in our society are completely oblivious to true sexuality, that’s why it isn’t really taught.
When we combine self-awareness and true sexual education, we begin to dissolve the dichotomy and distortion around sex.
The reason why media and entertainment play off sexual energy so much is because it’s the easiest way to catch people’s attention. It’s simple adaptation and optimization. However, if people develop self-awareness and innerstand these psycho-spiritual dynamics at play, these tactics at getting attention will no longer work. Media and entertainment would then adapt accordingly.
This creates an environment where self-awareness drives culture, instead of never-ending loops of reactionary ignorance and desire/lust. The people and organizations who create and support more self-awareness and soul alignment will then be rewarded and thrive.
This relinquishes the dichotomy of sexual teasing publicly and shadowy outlets privately, dissolving both into wholeness. More and more people will discover and practice harmonious, healthy, sacred sexuality. This creates an upward spiral societally as we reach new levels of honor, creativity, intimacy and unity.
Sending you love on your journey.
Wholeheartedly,
~ Stephen Parato
